I haven't seen Sou-kun in six months. He's invited me to this and that dozens of times but each time I squirrel out of it with some stupid excuse. I hope he's realized by now that I don't want anybody to see me until I'm happy with my transition. But my hormones run out soon, and I need to pick up more. What started off in planning as a simple drop off soon turned into a full on day together. He wanted to "Spend time with me." The wording put me off. It sounded like the way my dad or grandpa would talk to me about going to play golf together. The truth is, I always had a crush on him. I used to think I was gay, but then realized that it didn't have anything to do with their gender, the problem was with my gender. When I was young enough that we still regularly saw eachother, I didn't even consider the possibility of two guys in a relationship together, so I imagined myself as a girl, or him as a girl, and we were together. But once he left, I didn't even have anyone to fantasize about. I always wanted to go to Mie and talk to him, not even to confess my attraction, just so that I could be allowed that fantasy again. But now that I was in the position to fantasize, I couldn't bring myself to do it. I used to imagine me as a girl together with him, but now that other people saw me as a girl (most of the time), I couldn't let myself be happy even in that fantasy. There was no way he would be okay being with a tranny like me. On the practical side, if I confessed to him and he wasn't okay with it, I risked losing my supply of hormones. But he wanted to meet me. He wanted to spend time with me. What did that mean?

I waited outside the cafe, the same one where we met when I first got to Mie, about 15 minutes early. I was anxious, for some reason. I hated feeling anxious like this. I had gotten in the habit recently of taking morphine or even fentanyl not even just when the lancinating pain attacks came but when an anxiety attack, even a minor one, came. To my suprise, he showed up 12 minutes early, only three after me. That was never like him, at least not the last time I knew him. He had his hands behind his back, and slowly walked up to me, without waving, like usual. "Suzuka-chan, close your eyes for a second," he requested, softly. I had no idea what he was going on about, but I complied. I felt his hands grab mine, and soon he gently placed something inside them. "Open your eyes," he spoke. It was a bouqet of bright red roses, trimmed and arranged beautifully. "W-why did you get me this?" My mind and heart were fluttering. Could it really be? "I wanted to get you something to celebrate six months of being a girl!" he said with an in-character joviality. It made my face turn bright red and dart around, looking for someone who might have overheard. "Don't worry, I wouldn't say something like that if someone else was nearby. I respect your privacy." The fact that this wasn't a love confession eased my mind. I'm not sure why, but it scared me in that moment, the thought that he might actually like me back.